Well...

The results are in (kind of): I am NOT pregnant. And I'm sad about it. My dog woke me up at 2am to go outside & that's when I "discovered" I was not pregnant. So I'm not sleeping anymore. & googling. & crying. What's wrong with my body? I was pregnant within a month of stopping birth control (miscarriage #1), then 3 months later, (miscarriage #2), & then with little R 5 months later. I've been pregnant or trying to get pregnant the better part of 4 years now. And I'm frustrated.

What's going on?

Still no period (day 36 in my cycle). Took another (negative) pregnancy test today. Boo. But I KNOW I ovulated at least 2 weeks ago (I take OPK's). My body is a hot mess.

In brighter news, I just rediscovered how great Hot Pockets are. I know they are ridiculously unhealthy, but at this point who cares?

My sweet one has her first school pictures today. I put her hair in pigtails. I hope she smiles/is good for the photographers. Her class picture was a few months ago & she was literally screaming in them. Good times...

Down time on a REAL computer

It has been pretty easy for me to slip back into work mode. Kinda like riding a bike I guess. But just like before, I have some down time to browse the internet on a REAL desktop computer. I only have my iphone/ipad at home & I find that it's pretty hard to keep up with shopping/blogging/etc. from a little handheld. It's very fun & I can type soooooo fast. I know, crazy huh what I get excited about these days.

So it's starting to warm up in good old Texas so next week when I resume my SAHM duties I was thinking me & the babe would go balls to the wall on outdoor activities (walking, zoo, museum, park). Our backyard is not very baby friendly so just letting her out there to run loose & play isn't an option. But she likes to be FREE.

My baby is a climber. We've had to tether most furniture (that we could) to the wall & attach a strap to the TV so she doesn't pull that down on her. The bottom drawers all have latches because she was pulling them out & getting inside of them to get higher. Kill me now. I was doing dishes the other day & turned around (I can see straight into her room) & she was ON TOP of her Step2 kitchen. Heart attack city. She can't be left unattended so my days are pretty busy. On top of my 2 small pups getting in the way too. Busy times ahead.

Working mom... for one week

I get the pleasure of seeing the other side of life this week. I am going back to my previous place of work (for this week only) to help out since a coworker's mother passed away. I miss Little R, but it is kind of nice to get to talk to other adults & have real lunch! Of course, I am so lucky to get to do this because of my mother. I was able to get the little into her mother's-day-out an extra day, but the other 3 days my mother is covering. TGFM.

They all want to know if I'm ready to come back to work. And sometimes (in the dead of winter or middle of summer) I think maybe I am. Then we get a beautiful day & I'm able to spend it taking a long luxurious walk or going to the zoo on a quiet weekday. I wouldn't trade that. I can always go back to work (& absolutely would should our family need me to) but am enjoying getting to be at home with her right now (even if some of the time it is frustrating).

I actually took a pregnancy test this morning. And it was negative. I should have known. I am broken out like a teenager right now. But I was hoping... Oh well. We'll see next month!

Still not pregnant

Little R's birthday is the end of March & I was hoping we'd be pregnant again by then. I had also quit taking my antidepressants around October, thinking I didn't need them anymore. I'd been on them since my second miscarriage (before we had Little R). But, that was a bad idea. Every time my period would show up each month I would just crumble. Plus it gives me a short fuse with R, so no bueno. All is better now. I'll still be sad if I start my period next week, but maybe not as bad as the previous 4 months. Unfortunately I may need to be in them for much longer. But whatever helps, right?